Thoughts on survival: Sometimes ‘No’ is the new ‘Yes’

I don’t mean that we should use the word ‘no’ in order to say yes. Today’s post is dedicated to the people pleasers. How many times have you said yes to invitations, to doing favours and in general to anything that doesn’t align with your beliefs or doesn’t serve you? I’ve been guilty of doing this until I sat down and explored why I was always saying yes when most wouldn’t do the same for me. This was exceptionally frustrating at the beginning of my publishing journey. I thought that saying yes to marketing proposals, website developers, or anything that could help me move forward quickly with my authorship had to have been sent my way for great benefits. Then I realised that most of these ‘influencers and promoters’ were actually well versed in creating fake accounts with fake followers to scam people out of money. That’s the truth from my experience. And the same goes for energy vampires in our daily lives.

Some people recognised my strength as an excellent listener to consistently dump their problems on me. Some came for advice only to not take it (which is fine) and usually came back with the same problems. Enough was enough. As much as I wanted to be abrupt and tell such people where to go…I was mindful of the law of cause and effect. Most times, I was in a professional setting or was motivated to create a professional network. Therefore, being uncouth was not the right way to go. After re-evaluating myself and my circumstances, I realised that people would always be people, and I will always be myself. I had to address something within that would attract positive, high-vibrational and productive people into my reality.

I realised that I was behaving desperately. Subconsciously, I was desperate to get my break, create content quickly, and gain a vast audience. After this realisation, I addressed this desperation with a plan of what I wanted to achieve. The truth is, I didn’t care about all of the above. I just wanted to be creative, create quality content and help people. It didn’t matter if only one person read my work as long as they took something constructive or entertaining from my writing. I stopped comparing myself to industry recognised authors and social media influencers. I knew that I was in my own lane, executing my success in my own way. So, I started working slowly and with intent. I learned about the subjects I wanted to write, and I even took a Neuro Linguistic Programming course to maximise my drive. I started saying no to people, and although unsteady at first, it eventually started feeling good. Now, when I say no, I’m ensuring that I keep my priorities in mind and I don’t feel guilty. Some people try to manipulate, but it doesn’t work because I’m grounded in my vision as an independent writer. I am also grounded in knowing who I am as a person.

The point from this post is if you ever feel like you can’t say no, take some time to go within and address the programming of your subconscious. Once you ground yourself, external factors will no longer affect you. Remember your bigger picture and keep going regardless.

Until next time.

Thoughts on relationships: Stop romanticising toxic cycles

It’s easier said than done when you’re convinced that the people who hurt and mess you around really do love you. You tell yourself that it’s the situation that’s complicated. Perhaps you live in a financial red zone every month because you’re convinced that you must keep up with your friends’ luxurious lunch dates and that you need a new pair of boots for every occasion. Maybe, you’re convinced that you deserve overseas holidays and city breaks a few times a year because you don’t want to face and live the life you have at home. Nobody is here to condemn your life choices as you are the captain of your own ship and have free will. Although, at some point, you have to question if it’s a healthy cycle or whether you’re just stuck romanticising it because you’re not in touch with who you are or are afraid of your true potential.

Let’s begin with the understanding that a toxic cycle isn’t necessarily confined within intimate relationships. It can sit in friendships, your relationship with everyday tasks, your employer, your relationship with nutrition, and money. Now that you know what it looks like, it’s time to identify if there are areas of your life that require some attention and care. This is where many people choose to give up because the prospect of identifying areas of their lives that require rectifying and setting healthy boundaries is a scary concept. And the ego itself doesn’t make it easy to handle self-criticism, which is why most choose to create a fantasy around bad habits to avoid the fact that it’s detrimental to some aspects of their health. From personal experience, it appears that our unexplored shadow self that contains our suppressed traumas play a role in how we perceive habits, situations and people in our lives. This is part of the process that we need to accept as we dig deeper into ourselves, one should expect to uncover some ancient emotional relics that will undoubtedly be painful to face. As much as we want to accelerate through our healing, though, it’s important to note that our minds, bodies, and souls require unrelenting patience. When you feel like you need to speak to a therapist, allow yourself the opportunity to do so. And when you have identified why you are in a toxic cycle, you can make substantial efforts to create boundaries and make healthier choices.

This post is a drop in a bucket on such a subject; however, I hope you manage to gain something from this to help you on your way. Keep working on yourself and stay tuned in to your own needs because a small improvement also creates a significant universal experience.

Until next time.