Thoughts on life: Not all ‘friends’ are your friend

We indeed showcase different aspects of ourselves to different people. Some people see your funny side. Some see your stylish edge, while others may experience the empathic side of you. However, not everyone who experiences many sides of you is your friend. Today, in the age of social media and fading boundaries in employment, many people may consider you their friend if you follow each other on Instagram, Facebook or Tiktok. They get to see the sides of you that you wouldn’t typically showcase in a professional setting or around mutual acquaintances. This becomes a slippery slope for people to loop you into a friendship trap with ridiculous expectations. e.g. “You said you couldn’t hang out with me, but you posted yourself out with other people.” Sometimes, the irritation can be triggered when you agree to meet up with them for tea or coffee, but they want to take pictures to tag and post.

Another red flag is when someone claims to be your friend, yet they’re only around for the simple checkups or gossip. Sometimes, they ask if you’re okay; however, that’s as far as their friendship goes. They don’t want to dive deep into life experiences with you. These people often only want to be with you when you’re at your best and do not think twice about helping you find solutions to problems when you’ve sunk to your worst. So the question in all situations is, what do you consider friendship? Does it have the safe space and ability to communicate without judgement, or just have companionship for shopping sprees and clubbing? It’s subjective, though, depending on how you like to spend your time and your consciousness level.

So what do we do when we’re unsure? Well, realise the cold truth that not everyone is your friend, even if they claim that they are. Know yourself so well that you have an awareness of your needs and strong discernment to make the best decisions for you. Understand that people don’t even know themselves most times, so be wary when they claim that they know you so well. Likewise, when you feel a distance in your immediate friendships, understand that we are constantly evolving and that what worked for your friendships last year wouldn’t necessarily work for you this year. Finally, be patient because it’s okay to grow apart as everyone grows to find or reinvent themselves.

Until next time.

~J

Thoughts on personal development: The power of language – 3 Phrases to scrap from your vocabulary

Today’s post aims to bring awareness to your use of language. Communication is often misunderstood or misused, especially when we use specific negative language to talk to ourselves and others. Language is a powerful tool that can make or break your day. The words you choose have the opportunity to create a supportive community or conflict yet, sometimes we don’t even think twice about how we linguistically project ourselves to the world. We have the power to change ourselves, our reality and the world through the use of positive language by being conscious about what we consume and project. The following points are five words and phrases to be aware of and scrap from your vocabulary if you want to further pursue your self-development journey and create a reality you desire. 

‘I can’t do this’

When it comes to achieving your goals, trying something new or even working on personal confidence, it’s good to begin to train your subconscious mind by using firm words that opens enthusiasm and prompts action. Using the word ‘Can’t’ automatically creates a negative bias and diminishes your confidence when your aim is to take action. Unless you are using this word in a situation where you are creating firm boundaries, using this word illustrates unsureness about your ability to utilise your strength, will power and motivation. If you know that you have the skills and resources to help you reach your goals, using ‘can’t’ will stir up doubt and cause your efforts to falter. This will also give people the impression that you don’t trust yourself. It takes time, however, try to replace ‘I can’t do this’ with ‘I can do anything I put my mind to’ and eventually simply ‘I CAN do this.’

‘I hate this, that and everyone’

This is one of the most commonly used phrases, and I have to admit that I have used it a few times in testing situations. When you think about the word hate, it’s not necessarily a negative word but rather a low-vibration word. We often use it in frustration and low-vibrational situations. When you’re on a journey of self-development and expanding consciousness, you’ll begin to understand that we are all connected to each other and our surroundings. Suppose you are in a low-vibrational environment or situation; your goal is to raise your frequency so that you are unaffected by external factors and instead, have the ability to transmute the chaos into your lessons and gains. How will you learn about yourself if you constantly carry a funk in your heart that’s not even yours? How can you grow into your highest and best version of yourself doing what you love if you’re projecting hatred and spending your valuable energy on people and situations that don’t serve you? I’m not suggesting that we walk around pretending to love everything and everyone. However, changing the word ‘hate’ and associating it with empathy, understanding, and learning will become more productive for you when life gets chaotic. When you build anger, or you feel a dislike for something, try to explore ‘I’m not keen on this, but at least I have experienced it and can move on’ or by taking a breath and acknowledging why you feel this ‘hate’ so that you can address the uncomfortable within.

‘I am sick’

Yes, we all have days when we fall under the weather, and ailments plague us, but it’s worth noting that you become what you consistently tell yourself you are and feel. Some days you can’t deny that you’re unwell, especially when you are swamped with extra stress. Instead of declaring ‘I am sick’, try ‘I am healing and I will rest’. This will slowly lift your mood and place your mind in a receptive mode to find resources to make you feel better and heal. I am not a doctor, and this is not a replacement for a medical appointment but to help support your thoughts as your body heals. 

Remember that there are no golden formula or shortcuts to reach your goals and deal with situations along your journey. It’s all about perspective and changing angles to understand the lessons hidden in the chaos. Be aware of what you want to embody and what you put out in the world and onto others. Keep going and find ways to enjoy the experience.

Until Next time.

Thoughts on relationships: Know when it’s time to find new friends

I think it’s safe to be honest here, and say that most of us have been there? We’ve bonded and created friendships as children in school, teenagers at after school clubs, adults in university and perhaps eventually have grown closer to some colleagues who elevated our dull moments at work. Then we realise that while these people have successfully played their parts in our lives and helped create fond memories, some things are just not the same anymore. We start to notice things are becoming unbalanced and begin to wonder, is it time to find some new friends?

A subtle dread builds every time you’re around them

Cocktail hour has started, and you feel like you’d rather be anywhere else than sit around and listen to them bitch about the same self-inflicted problems you’ve cyclically provided support and solutions for. Then you start to feel guilty for even thinking like this or you simply no longer care yet, you go out with them anyway to be polite. Of course, I think the friendships that are worth saving will eventually rise to a higher frequency, but quite often, deep down you’ll know in your heart when you no longer want someone around your aura. The best thing to do in this situation is to have an honest internal self-evaluation and accept that you’ve outgrown the friendship. Keep it amicable and let it quietly run its course or have a chat with the person in question if you’re so inclined, however, don’t part on an ugly note. Always try to depart on the heart chakra by releasing them in peace, love and gratitude.

You feel like they don’t understand you

Sometimes you feel like you can share most of the trivial issues with your friends and vice versa yet, you feel like you go above and beyond to help find a solution, but it’s not always reciprocated. In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you realise that even though they seem to be listening, they don’t really understand what you need from them. Try to be as transparent as possible and honest with your expectations of them. If things don’t improve, then it’s probably time to let go and become more self-sufficient.

They’re not as dependable as you are to them

Perhaps the people in your friendship group do not need to check in every day, which is how you prefer it. Although, you’re in a pickle and decide to reach out to them only to find that there’s one or two who often drag their feet or better yet choose to ignore your cry for help. In this case, you can choose to be petty and bat the same bullshit ball back and forth, but quite honestly, this will lower your vibration and waste your time. If you’ve already spoken to the culprit and expressed your concerns about this issue then maybe it’s time to realise that they’re nothing but an anchor in your life. Chances are they choose to not reciprocate support because they have their own issues or they just love to see you suffer. Although, I see this as part of being their own issue too. Either way, we’re too deep into the awakening and self-development to stop and save others.

They’re unpredictable, and engage in dangerous behaviours

Sure, we love to have a good time with our friends, but we have to wonder when is it time to call it a day before we go too far? The friends who don’t respect your boundaries because they have none of their own, are the type of people you should be cautious of. Especially if they’re coercing you to partake in activities that you refuse to be a part of. Think wisely of the company you keep.

You feel emotionally, spiritually and physically drained being around them

This one will probably hit you the hardest as it’s an indicator that this person definitely shouldn’t be in your life. With this situation, the person always seems to have a problem with their relationships, finance or their health yet, they refuse the idea of acknowledgement and choose to deflect their issues onto you. In return, you feel like you’re their support pillar while your energy slowly chips away as they feed off your wellbeing. This matter is hazardous to you if you live or operate near them daily, which makes it difficult to detach. Understandably, the friendship may not have started this way, or you chose to overlook the subtle signs because your heart was open and receptive to their companionship, and this got worse as time went by. Whatever the case is, it’s essential to protect yourself by detaching and by wearing protective jewellery such as crystal pendants to block out their negative energy.

Growing out of friendships can be difficult, but what is extraordinary is our ability to learn the lessons from these bonds and understand ourselves better along the way.

All the best.

Thoughts on food: The importance of cooking with purpose

When I think about cooking, I immediately think of my mother. For those who know me, know that my mother is the essence of my very being. Her meals are charged with high frequencies that pull me out of the deepest funk. Today, I will journal about the typical Seychellois dish that brings the family together. Even when we are far apart, this dish never fails to bring us joy. 

When I think about my family and Seychelles, I think about the Fresh Grilled Red Snapper with Spicy Creole Sauce, Fresh Rice and Green Pawpaw Satini Papay. The colours glazed on the dining table, evoking a feeling of security, love, joy and compassion. As I enjoy eating the meal, I have to include that watching (because sometimes it’s better to let the professionals get on with it) or helping my mother cook her exceptional dishes is also a magical experience. She chops her ingredients as though they were just picked from the garden, washes the fish with care and infuses positive intentions as she folds the seasoning in the Satini. This is an alchemy that my elder brother also uses and never fails to impress and envelope the devourers who usually ask for a second serving. And you know the food is really delicious when we sit in silence or get stuck in with our (clean) fingers. This is one way we show love for one another and the community. There’s plenty to extend a bowl of nourishment for our extended family. 

For the sweet-toothed, the traditional Ladob is usually a favourite after a Sunday lunch. The plantain and sweet potato, coconut milk, sugar and nutmeg is the foundation that brings warmth and a smile on my face reminiscent of the holiday cheer that compels me to top up my plate until bedtime. However, it’s not the type of dishes that make or break meal times, it’s the person’s energy that fulfils the purpose they want to convey. I find that it’s imperative to churn and actively add positive intention within every meal I cook as I want nothing but the best for my family and guests. 

I dedicate Today’s post to my mother, my big brother and my Seychellois ancestors.

Until next time. xo

Thoughts on finance: J.P. Mooney’s guide to holiday gift-giving

It’s that time of the year…again and although it feels like it was only yesterday that we bid farewell to Christmas, with our body clock stuck in the limbo of lockdowns, that supposedly thrilling part of the year is leering around the corner. Today’s post is dedicated to the art of gifting. I love gifts, and I think everyone around me loves to receive gifts too. Even if you hate surprises, the idea that you could potentially receive something you really want or an item that could change your life for the better (and for free) is thrilling! Below are a few suggestions I have tried and loved that I think are worth a browse.

Anything and everything Rituals

When I recently discovered Rituals, I absolutely fell in love with their products. My home was fragranced like a spa, and my skin felt like I just walked out of a spa, whilst, Rituals products remained affordable. There’s a wide variety of gift ideas to choose from such as divine relaxing candles, bath and shower foams, hair and travel sets, makeup, perfumes and refills! If you’re stuck for choice, you can try a gift set from their exciting collections or The Rituals of Advent Calendar. This is perfect for distributing as stocking fillers or gifting to an exceptional loved one to indulge. 

Check out Not On The High Street

This site contains various original gift ideas suitable for anyone on your list. Not On The High Street is suitable for quirky presents catered for baby showers, birthdays, weddings, Christmas and so much more. I guarantee you’ll be able to find something suitable for even the most challenging recipient in your life.

The ever so trusted Amazon

Where would we be without Amazon prime? Last-minute gifts are no longer a thing because with amazon delivery you can pretty much order anything you want direct to the recipient’s address, gift-wrapped and without a price receipt for peace of mind. This means your recipient won’t need to know how much you actually spent on their gift. 

Find your unique treasure on Etsy

Etsy is a beautiful marketplace that caters to all your gifting needs. The magic of Etsy is that the majority of their products are handmade and original from local artists and boutiques around the globe. Etsy has a variety of sections to choose from, e.g. Jewellery and accessories, clothes and shoes, home and living, wedding and party, vintage and collectables etc. Whatever you decide to gift your loved ones, you are very likely to find a unique version of it on Etsy. Even if you are undecided, the site provides a seamless browsing experience as they consistently promote on a high standard. The only issue is that the products are so creative and beautiful, you may become obsessed!

Browse the trail of luxury on Net-A-Porter

NET-A-PORTER is a game changer when it comes to making luxury fashion accessible. If you love fashion and high-end designers, then this site is for you. The site sections are as follows:

What’s New– This shows you all the new pieces and trends that have just launched.

Designers- Here, you can search the collections by designers. This is easier if you have a favourite designer and know what you’re looking for.

Clothing, Shoes, Bags, Accessories and Jewelry and Beauty- The most popular section on the site.

Editorial and What To Wear– Let the articles and edits inspire you. Even if you opt to not make a purchase, they are still an enjoyable read.

Buy my books

It would not be a J.P. Mooney blog if I didn’t take an opportunity to promote my own work. If you’ve searched all over the internet for the perfect thoughtful present and still couldn’t find anything, then perhaps have a look at my books. I have a collection of contemporary poetry and an expanding catalogue of romantic thrillers that I am soon distributing wide for you to choose from. If you have book lovers in your life or you just want something pretty to gift your loved ones, have a browse here

Do you have the wealth yet, still stuck for ideas? Perhaps the Luxury Lifestyle Magazine may inspire you. Whatever you decide to do during the holidays, it’s also important to remember that while materialism is fun, there is no greater gift you can give someone than your time.

Best Wishes.

Thoughts on productivity: It’s time to get organised

The leaves are falling, the air drifts into stillness, and our desire to go outside begins to decline into a need to stay indoors in our favourite silks watching Netflix, sipping our beverages of choice. Autumn. The perfect season to slow down and gather ourselves. As we do so, we begin to feel the need to get our lives in order the best we can. Below are my typical list of things worth revisiting and up-keeping.

Wardrobe

This is the time to have some fun putting together some autumn/winter appropriate outfits. Find ways to liven up your wardrobe by adding new pieces or removing the cringe-worthy items you purchased out of boredom during lockdown amnesia. You can donate some of these items to the local charity shop, sell them on eBay, or swap them with your friend. If you’re someone who loathes ironing clothes, this is the time to ensure all of your key pieces are washed, dried, and ironed so that it’s ready for the festive season.

Finances

You must go through your bank statements, direct debits, and standing orders to reevaluate your income, savings, or any outgoings you anticipate during the winter months. This is not the time to bury your head under the sand, hoping that your financial affairs will fall in line. Emergencies are most likely to arise during the cold months, such as boiler breakdowns, car breakdowns, services, etc. It’s also important to factor in all of your festive activities and luxuries as early as possible. The more time you give yourself, the more money you will be able to save. Perhaps you’re anxious about the lack of income. Nonetheless, this is the time to think about creating a side hustle or perhaps research on affordable investments. The opportunities are endless once you summon the drive and discipline to flourish in the age of technology. Check out the Break Platform for some ideas.

Necessary Maintenance

As much as you need to be financially prepared to deal with the necessary maintenance, you also need to be prepared by anticipating what may need fixing during the cold months. Don’t leave your car servicing or fuel level until the last minute, because it won’t be a fun experience to be stranded on the motorway or on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. If you’re a homeowner, make sure your boiler is sufficient, and your house isn’t susceptible to flooding or anything that could make your autumn and winter a living nightmare. Prevention is better than a cure.

Health

This is an obvious point, but I think it’s worth reinforcing. Your health is the foundation of your quality of life. If you’re run down from overworking or from being a permanent sofa resident, you will be unable to enjoy the pleasures of this life. It goes without saying that in the current climate, your health is of utmost importance. As tempting as it is to slouch on the sofa, wrapped in your blanket with a tipple in one hand, and a thick slice of cheesy pizza in the other, it is also good to ensure you’re well-hydrated, your body is moving, and your diet is as clean possible. I’m not a doctor, so if something doesn’t feel quite right with your mind or body, then it’s a good idea to catch up with your GP.

Check on your loved ones

Perhaps you’re responsible for looking after a loved one or you live quite far, and you are unable to visit frequently. Whatever the situation, it is crucial that you schedule consistent means of communication to ensure that your family and friends are okay, be organised with their care, and promote a micro-community to help those in need.

The most important thing to remember here is that everything seems to take twice as long in the cold months; therefore, always be prepared for the unexpected. Ensure that you look after yourself and your loved ones and stay safe.