Thoughts on life: Not all ‘friends’ are your friend

We indeed showcase different aspects of ourselves to different people. Some people see your funny side. Some see your stylish edge, while others may experience the empathic side of you. However, not everyone who experiences many sides of you is your friend. Today, in the age of social media and fading boundaries in employment, many people may consider you their friend if you follow each other on Instagram, Facebook or Tiktok. They get to see the sides of you that you wouldn’t typically showcase in a professional setting or around mutual acquaintances. This becomes a slippery slope for people to loop you into a friendship trap with ridiculous expectations. e.g. “You said you couldn’t hang out with me, but you posted yourself out with other people.” Sometimes, the irritation can be triggered when you agree to meet up with them for tea or coffee, but they want to take pictures to tag and post.

Another red flag is when someone claims to be your friend, yet they’re only around for the simple checkups or gossip. Sometimes, they ask if you’re okay; however, that’s as far as their friendship goes. They don’t want to dive deep into life experiences with you. These people often only want to be with you when you’re at your best and do not think twice about helping you find solutions to problems when you’ve sunk to your worst. So the question in all situations is, what do you consider friendship? Does it have the safe space and ability to communicate without judgement, or just have companionship for shopping sprees and clubbing? It’s subjective, though, depending on how you like to spend your time and your consciousness level.

So what do we do when we’re unsure? Well, realise the cold truth that not everyone is your friend, even if they claim that they are. Know yourself so well that you have an awareness of your needs and strong discernment to make the best decisions for you. Understand that people don’t even know themselves most times, so be wary when they claim that they know you so well. Likewise, when you feel a distance in your immediate friendships, understand that we are constantly evolving and that what worked for your friendships last year wouldn’t necessarily work for you this year. Finally, be patient because it’s okay to grow apart as everyone grows to find or reinvent themselves.

Until next time.

~J

Thoughts on success: 5 ways to invest in yourself this month

April seems to be over in a flash, but there’s still time to address habits that no longer serve you and get your life in order. We have eased into spring, and nature is now active yet, some of you may still need support to shed the grogginess of winter and step into vitality. Below are the five ways you can invest in yourself this month and possibly for the long term.

Invest in a good notebook and pen

Yes, you read that right. We all have to-do lists, affirmations and thoughts to write and process as we go through the day. Investing in a good notebook and pen will make your journal moments a little more exciting and keep your brain more alert. Try Paperchase or Amazon.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Invest in a workout video plan, app or gym equipment

It’s always a good time to take on a workout regime, whether it’s yoga, cardio, pilates, dance or exploring the outdoors. The beauty of today’s technology means that most times, you don’t really have to leave your house to get a good sweat on. If you have enough space, you can find some free workout videos on Youtube, purchase an app or some accessible home gym equipment. If you don’t have space or the funds, simply put on some comfortable shoes and go for a long walk.

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Invest in a holistic health treatment

If you have aches and pains that are managed with conventional medical care or simply just want to try something for your overall wellbeing, it’s worth looking into some holistic treatments that are widely available. Ensure to do your research on the treatments and practitioners, and speak with your doctor beforehand to ensure that your chosen treatment is right for you. These include acupunctureacupressurereflexology etc. A nice massage and meditation may also help you feel refreshed and balanced.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Invest in a new piece of technology that allows you to work seamlessly

This can be a new phone, new laptop or anything that will help to streamline your workload and enhance your learning experience. If you’re stuck on a choice, you can find something useful here.

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Invest in a new meal plan that is healthy yet indulgent

The majority of us are foodies but also choose to stay healthy. This month you can try adding some new ingredients to your shopping list or invest in a new meal plan. There are plenty to choose from to have fresh ingredients for new recipes delivered to your doorstep. Try hellofresh or Gousto if you want fantastic meals but don’t want to spend too long in the kitchen.

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Until next time.

This post is NOT sponsored or affiliated by any of the products or organisations mentioned.

Thoughts on relationships: Stop romanticising toxic cycles

It’s easier said than done when you’re convinced that the people who hurt and mess you around really do love you. You tell yourself that it’s the situation that’s complicated. Perhaps you live in a financial red zone every month because you’re convinced that you must keep up with your friends’ luxurious lunch dates and that you need a new pair of boots for every occasion. Maybe, you’re convinced that you deserve overseas holidays and city breaks a few times a year because you don’t want to face and live the life you have at home. Nobody is here to condemn your life choices as you are the captain of your own ship and have free will. Although, at some point, you have to question if it’s a healthy cycle or whether you’re just stuck romanticising it because you’re not in touch with who you are or are afraid of your true potential.

Let’s begin with the understanding that a toxic cycle isn’t necessarily confined within intimate relationships. It can sit in friendships, your relationship with everyday tasks, your employer, your relationship with nutrition, and money. Now that you know what it looks like, it’s time to identify if there are areas of your life that require some attention and care. This is where many people choose to give up because the prospect of identifying areas of their lives that require rectifying and setting healthy boundaries is a scary concept. And the ego itself doesn’t make it easy to handle self-criticism, which is why most choose to create a fantasy around bad habits to avoid the fact that it’s detrimental to some aspects of their health. From personal experience, it appears that our unexplored shadow self that contains our suppressed traumas play a role in how we perceive habits, situations and people in our lives. This is part of the process that we need to accept as we dig deeper into ourselves, one should expect to uncover some ancient emotional relics that will undoubtedly be painful to face. As much as we want to accelerate through our healing, though, it’s important to note that our minds, bodies, and souls require unrelenting patience. When you feel like you need to speak to a therapist, allow yourself the opportunity to do so. And when you have identified why you are in a toxic cycle, you can make substantial efforts to create boundaries and make healthier choices.

This post is a drop in a bucket on such a subject; however, I hope you manage to gain something from this to help you on your way. Keep working on yourself and stay tuned in to your own needs because a small improvement also creates a significant universal experience.

Until next time.

Thoughts on reflection: Sometimes we have to stop and wonder why and how

We’ve all lived in a state of denial at some point in our existence here on earth. Many of us have had situations flow into our reality that wasn’t always conducive to our mental health. Although everything that has happened is usually a process to prepare our future selves, the timing and symptoms are usually torturous. In most cases, some people are misaligned with themselves and their surroundings. Rather than focusing on finding solutions to problems, they crumble into a space of fear and blame. Sometimes, the ones who are convinced that they are the most switched on are the ones who end up transforming into the most disturbing energy vampires to others.

At one point, though, you have to take some time and ask yourself why you are in the negative space that you’re in and think of ways you can elevate your mind and emotions for respite. We have to stop and ask ourselves “do I really want to move out of this situation and grow, or do I like lingering in the drama because it’s familiar and comfortable?” It’s not an easy task, and most people I’ve had this conversation with are not even on a frequency to receive the tools in this message. Some would instead carry their problems around like luggage, and they don’t care who’s leg they hit on the way.

Those who are awakened will understand that not every situation or people in our lives are meant to facilitate a comfortable ride. They are meant to teach us about ourselves, our goals, and light a fire from under us to put our motivations into action. And that’s a challenge in itself. Many people continue to search externally for their power and their saviours, when the truth is, this is something we have to pull out from within, and this is our responsibility alone. Nobody can do this for you. So the key here is to be disciplined in finding your alignment and your meaning. Stay strong, focused, conscious and excited.

Until next time.

Thoughts on relationships: Know when it’s time to find new friends

I think it’s safe to be honest here, and say that most of us have been there? We’ve bonded and created friendships as children in school, teenagers at after school clubs, adults in university and perhaps eventually have grown closer to some colleagues who elevated our dull moments at work. Then we realise that while these people have successfully played their parts in our lives and helped create fond memories, some things are just not the same anymore. We start to notice things are becoming unbalanced and begin to wonder, is it time to find some new friends?

A subtle dread builds every time you’re around them

Cocktail hour has started, and you feel like you’d rather be anywhere else than sit around and listen to them bitch about the same self-inflicted problems you’ve cyclically provided support and solutions for. Then you start to feel guilty for even thinking like this or you simply no longer care yet, you go out with them anyway to be polite. Of course, I think the friendships that are worth saving will eventually rise to a higher frequency, but quite often, deep down you’ll know in your heart when you no longer want someone around your aura. The best thing to do in this situation is to have an honest internal self-evaluation and accept that you’ve outgrown the friendship. Keep it amicable and let it quietly run its course or have a chat with the person in question if you’re so inclined, however, don’t part on an ugly note. Always try to depart on the heart chakra by releasing them in peace, love and gratitude.

You feel like they don’t understand you

Sometimes you feel like you can share most of the trivial issues with your friends and vice versa yet, you feel like you go above and beyond to help find a solution, but it’s not always reciprocated. In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you realise that even though they seem to be listening, they don’t really understand what you need from them. Try to be as transparent as possible and honest with your expectations of them. If things don’t improve, then it’s probably time to let go and become more self-sufficient.

They’re not as dependable as you are to them

Perhaps the people in your friendship group do not need to check in every day, which is how you prefer it. Although, you’re in a pickle and decide to reach out to them only to find that there’s one or two who often drag their feet or better yet choose to ignore your cry for help. In this case, you can choose to be petty and bat the same bullshit ball back and forth, but quite honestly, this will lower your vibration and waste your time. If you’ve already spoken to the culprit and expressed your concerns about this issue then maybe it’s time to realise that they’re nothing but an anchor in your life. Chances are they choose to not reciprocate support because they have their own issues or they just love to see you suffer. Although, I see this as part of being their own issue too. Either way, we’re too deep into the awakening and self-development to stop and save others.

They’re unpredictable, and engage in dangerous behaviours

Sure, we love to have a good time with our friends, but we have to wonder when is it time to call it a day before we go too far? The friends who don’t respect your boundaries because they have none of their own, are the type of people you should be cautious of. Especially if they’re coercing you to partake in activities that you refuse to be a part of. Think wisely of the company you keep.

You feel emotionally, spiritually and physically drained being around them

This one will probably hit you the hardest as it’s an indicator that this person definitely shouldn’t be in your life. With this situation, the person always seems to have a problem with their relationships, finance or their health yet, they refuse the idea of acknowledgement and choose to deflect their issues onto you. In return, you feel like you’re their support pillar while your energy slowly chips away as they feed off your wellbeing. This matter is hazardous to you if you live or operate near them daily, which makes it difficult to detach. Understandably, the friendship may not have started this way, or you chose to overlook the subtle signs because your heart was open and receptive to their companionship, and this got worse as time went by. Whatever the case is, it’s essential to protect yourself by detaching and by wearing protective jewellery such as crystal pendants to block out their negative energy.

Growing out of friendships can be difficult, but what is extraordinary is our ability to learn the lessons from these bonds and understand ourselves better along the way.

All the best.

Thoughts on food: The importance of cooking with purpose

When I think about cooking, I immediately think of my mother. For those who know me, know that my mother is the essence of my very being. Her meals are charged with high frequencies that pull me out of the deepest funk. Today, I will journal about the typical Seychellois dish that brings the family together. Even when we are far apart, this dish never fails to bring us joy. 

When I think about my family and Seychelles, I think about the Fresh Grilled Red Snapper with Spicy Creole Sauce, Fresh Rice and Green Pawpaw Satini Papay. The colours glazed on the dining table, evoking a feeling of security, love, joy and compassion. As I enjoy eating the meal, I have to include that watching (because sometimes it’s better to let the professionals get on with it) or helping my mother cook her exceptional dishes is also a magical experience. She chops her ingredients as though they were just picked from the garden, washes the fish with care and infuses positive intentions as she folds the seasoning in the Satini. This is an alchemy that my elder brother also uses and never fails to impress and envelope the devourers who usually ask for a second serving. And you know the food is really delicious when we sit in silence or get stuck in with our (clean) fingers. This is one way we show love for one another and the community. There’s plenty to extend a bowl of nourishment for our extended family. 

For the sweet-toothed, the traditional Ladob is usually a favourite after a Sunday lunch. The plantain and sweet potato, coconut milk, sugar and nutmeg is the foundation that brings warmth and a smile on my face reminiscent of the holiday cheer that compels me to top up my plate until bedtime. However, it’s not the type of dishes that make or break meal times, it’s the person’s energy that fulfils the purpose they want to convey. I find that it’s imperative to churn and actively add positive intention within every meal I cook as I want nothing but the best for my family and guests. 

I dedicate Today’s post to my mother, my big brother and my Seychellois ancestors.

Until next time. xo

Thoughts on turning 28

A lot of people fear the big 30 and whilst most are eager to celebrate the important landmark birthdays, there are a few people who either hated or loved their twenty-eighth birthday. First of all, I must reflect on how much I have achieved in one year. Never did I think I would write and publish five books, have a sustainable writing business and still have a tunnel vision for my goals. Yet, here I am, proud of what I have accomplished in a short space of time. Below are some thoughts from myself and loved ones on turning twenty-eight.

Making empowered decisions

Waking up on the right side of my twenty-eighth birthday, what a trip! I didn’t feel as elated as most people showcased on social media. I didn’t feel any different from the day before, and I have to admit that my mental strength was shaky with absurd self-expectations. Expectations of having a giant party, spending loads of money on things that weren’t conducive to my spiritual growth, my mental health or on people that weren’t on my frequency. Of course, looking back now I thought It was a bit ridiculous that I felt pressured by the standards socials created on one’s mental health, but that’s the thing with social media, mundane crap creeps up on your feeds and absorb your energy like a vampire. A light feeling from within then struck me with profound warmth that has stayed with me until now. It was an urge to journal my intentions and affirmations for my personal year, which in turn would empower me to make empowered decisions, in everything I do.

The vow to travel

A lot of people in my circle have said that turning twenty-eight presented more opportunities to travel and experience the world. This is mostly because they are or were settled in their careers with comfortable salaries that enabled them to get up and go. They felt that this was the time where they could really let go of expectations and revert back to their childhood selves. Although we are all aware that this experience is not the same for everyone.

Careers and confidence

This seems to be the common themes with people I’ve spoken to, where they felt more confident turning twenty-eight because their careers were taking off and were on track. On the other hand, some felt that it was the appropriate time to jump ship and change careers. Meanwhile, confidence also increased because they were gaining more experience to do things on their own. This confidence also built into self-knowledge, gaining a better insight into what it is that we want and how we perceive ourselves and the world.

Blooming friendships and support systems

Where would we be without the friends who have stuck by us through thick and thin? Surviving a birthday and life’s journey is doable on our own. However, the experience is fun with friends whom, we have accepted and those who nurture us in return. For most of us who have these superheroes in our lives, whether it’s one or one hundred; a healthy support system is part of a key that enables us to build confidence and feel secure.

Management of expectations

One of the popular thoughts on turning twenty-eight is usually panic and anxiety over being married and starting a family. This is exceptionally true for some people who feel they have a solid ground in their career yet, feel the pressure like they’ve fallen off track in their social life. “The pressure to start a family, as I’m aware of my biological clock and the feeling is very real”. Sure, society and family plays a role in our mental projection of when is the right time to get married and start a family; however, times have changed, and science has evolved. The most important note here is to realise that you need to have an internal assessment and awareness to ensure that you’re making decisions for you and not others. Chances are, family and friends will not pay your bills and childcare if you fall in an unfortunate financial crisis, and they are unlikely to pay for your wedding, that is, unless you’re from a wealthy and generous family. Marriage and raising children is not only financially taxing, but it’s also emotionally and spiritually testing too. If you are not aligned within yourself, and you haven’t healed from past trauma or detrimental habits, you have to take into account and assess if your environment and partner/s are conducive to your goals. Keep pushing through and take your time.

All the best

Thoughts on spirituality: Sometimes it’s the Full Moon

When was the last time you stopped and looked up at the sky? Yes, I’m entirely into observing the moon cycles and astrology in general. Ever since I was a child, I always sat on the veranda gazing at the moon and wondered about celestial mysteries. Now, I know and understand that whilst some would rather stick to trusting what their feet could feel on the ground, I was destined to awaken, explore the metaphysical, and find my purpose. The air around the new moon is exciting too, and of course, the new moon is just as important; however, I had always felt connected and resonant to the energy around each full moon. Sometimes it’s light or fun, but most times the energy leading up to the full moon is intense and chaotic, which makes it excruciating. If you’re a spiritual alchemist, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Each full moon is the midpoint and climax of the lunar cycle, during which the moon is opposite to the sun in the zodiac and is therefore fully illuminated by its light. Hence the intense energy! 

The days or even weeks leading up to a full moon, you may start to feel certain emotions boiling closer to the surface. Depending on the zodiac sign that the full moon is settled in within your natal chart, this energy will affect various areas in your life that require special attention. This will be the things that you need to nurture, re-evaluate, cleanse or release since the full moon brings projects, relationships and processes to a tipping point. Usually, it is a good idea to practise journaling, meditate or even have a relaxing bath- in general, any activity that is conducive to your mental, spiritual or emotional strength and endurance. Whatever you decide to do, ensure that you’re in a safe space. This is a time to reflect and harvest off the seeds you’ve planted in life or to shed thoughts, people and situations that no longer serve you. You may cry or just roll around in hysteric laughter, everyone is unique. If you would like to know more about the full moons or to dabble in a general astrology reading, just type in Full Moon readings on Youtube and pick a reader who resonates with you.

The upcoming full moon is in the sign of Taurus, which is rather unique and exciting because it falls on Halloween (31st October)! In general, this will impact the areas in your life relating to money. So you’re more likely to overspend on your budget and dip into your savings, or you may end up striking good fortune. Regardless, it’s good to be conscious about your finances and be grateful for your blessings. At the very least, look up at the sky and enjoy the illuminated beauty!

Happy Full Moon xo