Thoughts on life: Not all ‘friends’ are your friend

We indeed showcase different aspects of ourselves to different people. Some people see your funny side. Some see your stylish edge, while others may experience the empathic side of you. However, not everyone who experiences many sides of you is your friend. Today, in the age of social media and fading boundaries in employment, many people may consider you their friend if you follow each other on Instagram, Facebook or Tiktok. They get to see the sides of you that you wouldn’t typically showcase in a professional setting or around mutual acquaintances. This becomes a slippery slope for people to loop you into a friendship trap with ridiculous expectations. e.g. “You said you couldn’t hang out with me, but you posted yourself out with other people.” Sometimes, the irritation can be triggered when you agree to meet up with them for tea or coffee, but they want to take pictures to tag and post.

Another red flag is when someone claims to be your friend, yet they’re only around for the simple checkups or gossip. Sometimes, they ask if you’re okay; however, that’s as far as their friendship goes. They don’t want to dive deep into life experiences with you. These people often only want to be with you when you’re at your best and do not think twice about helping you find solutions to problems when you’ve sunk to your worst. So the question in all situations is, what do you consider friendship? Does it have the safe space and ability to communicate without judgement, or just have companionship for shopping sprees and clubbing? It’s subjective, though, depending on how you like to spend your time and your consciousness level.

So what do we do when we’re unsure? Well, realise the cold truth that not everyone is your friend, even if they claim that they are. Know yourself so well that you have an awareness of your needs and strong discernment to make the best decisions for you. Understand that people don’t even know themselves most times, so be wary when they claim that they know you so well. Likewise, when you feel a distance in your immediate friendships, understand that we are constantly evolving and that what worked for your friendships last year wouldn’t necessarily work for you this year. Finally, be patient because it’s okay to grow apart as everyone grows to find or reinvent themselves.

Until next time.

~J

Thoughts on personal development: Simply exploring the power of choosing motivational language to win at life.

Today’s post will focus on your power of awareness and its role in choosing the correct language for your advancement. We often busy our days trying to fulfil tasks without paying attention to how we communicate in different situations. However, as intellectual beings, we have the power to choose, arrange and rearrange language to achieve our desired effects in all situations because if you study, look and listen carefully to words, you will understand that each one has the power to create or halt change.

Let’s begin with how language and words are powerful in relation to finance. I want to point your attention to phrases that you may often use.

‘I’m sorry I can’t do this activity this week, I don’t have any money.’

‘I can’t wait for payday, I’m so broke.’

The choice of words used here immediately limits your ability to be receptive to ways that money can actually flow to you. Thus automatically locking you in a lack mindset. You should understand that beyond the material world, money is currency, and currency is energy; therefore, energy does not rest in limit and lack. You just need to find a way to keep it flowing. By stating that you don’t have any money or that you’re broke, you’ve subconsciously stopped the flow of the energy of money into your life. So how do we change this? By removing low-vibrational words associated with lack mindset.

‘I’m on a budget this week, let’s plan this activity for next month where I can factor it into my budget, and we can have fun.’

‘Payday is around the corner. In the meantime, I will work with what I have. Next month I will ensure to manage my budget and cash-flow effectively.’

This does not automatically hand you money out of thin air but opens your mind to ways to manage your finances so that you’re not in the same situation next month. It nudges you to make a plan that factors your financial needs and eliminates dread and embarrassment. This concept can be applied to any aspect of your life, such as health and fitness, business and career, to how you manage your close relationships. Try to approach situations consciously and see solutions rather than focus on the negative aspect of problems.

Until next time.

Thoughts on personal development: The power of language – 3 Phrases to scrap from your vocabulary

Today’s post aims to bring awareness to your use of language. Communication is often misunderstood or misused, especially when we use specific negative language to talk to ourselves and others. Language is a powerful tool that can make or break your day. The words you choose have the opportunity to create a supportive community or conflict yet, sometimes we don’t even think twice about how we linguistically project ourselves to the world. We have the power to change ourselves, our reality and the world through the use of positive language by being conscious about what we consume and project. The following points are five words and phrases to be aware of and scrap from your vocabulary if you want to further pursue your self-development journey and create a reality you desire. 

‘I can’t do this’

When it comes to achieving your goals, trying something new or even working on personal confidence, it’s good to begin to train your subconscious mind by using firm words that opens enthusiasm and prompts action. Using the word ‘Can’t’ automatically creates a negative bias and diminishes your confidence when your aim is to take action. Unless you are using this word in a situation where you are creating firm boundaries, using this word illustrates unsureness about your ability to utilise your strength, will power and motivation. If you know that you have the skills and resources to help you reach your goals, using ‘can’t’ will stir up doubt and cause your efforts to falter. This will also give people the impression that you don’t trust yourself. It takes time, however, try to replace ‘I can’t do this’ with ‘I can do anything I put my mind to’ and eventually simply ‘I CAN do this.’

‘I hate this, that and everyone’

This is one of the most commonly used phrases, and I have to admit that I have used it a few times in testing situations. When you think about the word hate, it’s not necessarily a negative word but rather a low-vibration word. We often use it in frustration and low-vibrational situations. When you’re on a journey of self-development and expanding consciousness, you’ll begin to understand that we are all connected to each other and our surroundings. Suppose you are in a low-vibrational environment or situation; your goal is to raise your frequency so that you are unaffected by external factors and instead, have the ability to transmute the chaos into your lessons and gains. How will you learn about yourself if you constantly carry a funk in your heart that’s not even yours? How can you grow into your highest and best version of yourself doing what you love if you’re projecting hatred and spending your valuable energy on people and situations that don’t serve you? I’m not suggesting that we walk around pretending to love everything and everyone. However, changing the word ‘hate’ and associating it with empathy, understanding, and learning will become more productive for you when life gets chaotic. When you build anger, or you feel a dislike for something, try to explore ‘I’m not keen on this, but at least I have experienced it and can move on’ or by taking a breath and acknowledging why you feel this ‘hate’ so that you can address the uncomfortable within.

‘I am sick’

Yes, we all have days when we fall under the weather, and ailments plague us, but it’s worth noting that you become what you consistently tell yourself you are and feel. Some days you can’t deny that you’re unwell, especially when you are swamped with extra stress. Instead of declaring ‘I am sick’, try ‘I am healing and I will rest’. This will slowly lift your mood and place your mind in a receptive mode to find resources to make you feel better and heal. I am not a doctor, and this is not a replacement for a medical appointment but to help support your thoughts as your body heals. 

Remember that there are no golden formula or shortcuts to reach your goals and deal with situations along your journey. It’s all about perspective and changing angles to understand the lessons hidden in the chaos. Be aware of what you want to embody and what you put out in the world and onto others. Keep going and find ways to enjoy the experience.

Until Next time.

Thoughts on success: 5 Obstacles preventing you from reaching your goals

So you’ve evaluated your life plans and have started taking actions with tremendous enthusiasm. However, after many trials and lessons, you have realised that you’re not moving as fast towards your goals as you hoped or you’re not getting the desired results. We are all guilty of this at one point in time where we make decisions that we think is best, or even hope that perhaps ‘one day’ we’ll get what we desire in life. There is no magic formula to living a life of comfort and financial security. We all have to put in the discipline and effort to make things work in our favour, and some of us have started with nothing but a blank page. However, it’s how you choose to tackle obstacles that determine how quickly and how well you can achieve what you desire in life. The below points will help you to identify your obstacles and give you ideas on how you can navigate your way to success.

You don’t have a clear vision of what you want so you don’t know what actions to take to acquire it

This is the common mistake people make when starting a business, new relationships, making financial investments, or making a career change. Some even make decisions blindly because they don’t know what they want, which most often ends with costly lessons. Before you decide to take out a loan for a business, hand in your job resignation letter or jump into moving in with a new partner; ensure that you have taken the time to think about whether your current decision aligns with your long term goals. Assure that you have taken the time to identify your bigger picture, research the responsibilities that come with making each decision and think carefully about how it will impact you mentally and emotionally going forward. Sometimes we tend to change direction and leap towards what we think would be a good idea until we end up confused and exhausted. This is why it’s always a good idea to plan before setting any action in motion. Even if you don’t look at it every day, it will ensure you stay on course.

You don’t practice gratitude for what you already have to prepare you for an elevated version of it

Many people spend their days complaining about what they don’t have while longing for an extravagant lifestyle. This is quite prominent today because such lifestyles are widely advertised online, in films and on most social media platforms. Some are too busy longing for what they think others have, that they forget to pay attention and express gratitude for what they already possess. If this is you, perhaps take some time out by yourself to write a list of the things you are grateful for. Gratitude is the language of the universe, and it’s a way to show that you are taking responsibility for what you already own until you attract an elevated version of it. Think about it, if you live in a studio and dream to own a mansion yet, you don’t have the time or discipline to keep your studio clean and pay all the bills on time, how will you manage to be responsible for the ownership of a mansion? Suppose you wake up every day feeling jealous that all of your friends have successful businesses and high-class careers although, you spend all of your time engaging in unproductive activities rather than networking and educating yourself on how you will handle the ups and downs of your job and business. Besides, being successful in life comes with sacrifices that you’ll have to make. Sure, most winners show the occasional extravagant purchases and holidays however, they had to sacrifice their free time when they took the first steps to get what they want. Be grateful for everything, including the time you have now to prepare to move onto more significant opportunities.

You’re scared to make moves because you care too much of what other people think

How many times have you doubted your decisions and actions because you were afraid of what other people would think? It happens to a lot of people. However, you have to find a way to be secure within yourself to trust your intuition and ability to make the most effective decisions. The most crucial point is that you have to ensure that you’re making decisions that are best for you and your goals. No, you won’t get everything right nonetheless, the beauty of life is to learn from experiences.

You’re unwilling to roll your sleeves and get dirty

When it comes to your career, relationships and business, it’s up to you to decide how much energy is worth pouring into their success. Anything that is worth having will undoubtedly require your focus and efforts. Unless you have the funds to pay someone to do the gritty work that you don’t want to acknowledge, you’ll have to learn new skills along the journey. Sometimes you’ll have to accept and do the gritty work within yourself for the sake of your evolution. Whatever it is, at one point in your journey, you’ll need to roll up your sleeve and get in the muck.

You don’t believe that you are worthy and deserving of having what you want

It took me a few years to realise this and really embed it into my subconscious, and you also need to understand this too. You have to believe that you are worthy and deserving of having anything that you desire. When you programme your subconscious mind with this belief, your motivation for accessing all that you desire will increase, you will have better respect for yourself, and your value will rise. If you don’t believe that you are worthy and deserving, people will also lose interest, and it’ll be challenging to keep their attention, especially if you’re trying to sell your brand or products. If you don’t believe that you are worthy of having better, you’re more likely to settle on low expectations, therefore attracting low-quality relationships and disrespect. The message here is not to assume we are better than everyone, no. When you do the shadow work and address underlying issues within, it will enable you to set healthy boundaries to protect your energy and space, make decisions with clarity and form sincere connections with people to support your development and growth.

Until next time.

Thoughts on relationships: Stop romanticising toxic cycles

It’s easier said than done when you’re convinced that the people who hurt and mess you around really do love you. You tell yourself that it’s the situation that’s complicated. Perhaps you live in a financial red zone every month because you’re convinced that you must keep up with your friends’ luxurious lunch dates and that you need a new pair of boots for every occasion. Maybe, you’re convinced that you deserve overseas holidays and city breaks a few times a year because you don’t want to face and live the life you have at home. Nobody is here to condemn your life choices as you are the captain of your own ship and have free will. Although, at some point, you have to question if it’s a healthy cycle or whether you’re just stuck romanticising it because you’re not in touch with who you are or are afraid of your true potential.

Let’s begin with the understanding that a toxic cycle isn’t necessarily confined within intimate relationships. It can sit in friendships, your relationship with everyday tasks, your employer, your relationship with nutrition, and money. Now that you know what it looks like, it’s time to identify if there are areas of your life that require some attention and care. This is where many people choose to give up because the prospect of identifying areas of their lives that require rectifying and setting healthy boundaries is a scary concept. And the ego itself doesn’t make it easy to handle self-criticism, which is why most choose to create a fantasy around bad habits to avoid the fact that it’s detrimental to some aspects of their health. From personal experience, it appears that our unexplored shadow self that contains our suppressed traumas play a role in how we perceive habits, situations and people in our lives. This is part of the process that we need to accept as we dig deeper into ourselves, one should expect to uncover some ancient emotional relics that will undoubtedly be painful to face. As much as we want to accelerate through our healing, though, it’s important to note that our minds, bodies, and souls require unrelenting patience. When you feel like you need to speak to a therapist, allow yourself the opportunity to do so. And when you have identified why you are in a toxic cycle, you can make substantial efforts to create boundaries and make healthier choices.

This post is a drop in a bucket on such a subject; however, I hope you manage to gain something from this to help you on your way. Keep working on yourself and stay tuned in to your own needs because a small improvement also creates a significant universal experience.

Until next time.

Thoughts on relationships: Know when it’s time to find new friends

I think it’s safe to be honest here, and say that most of us have been there? We’ve bonded and created friendships as children in school, teenagers at after school clubs, adults in university and perhaps eventually have grown closer to some colleagues who elevated our dull moments at work. Then we realise that while these people have successfully played their parts in our lives and helped create fond memories, some things are just not the same anymore. We start to notice things are becoming unbalanced and begin to wonder, is it time to find some new friends?

A subtle dread builds every time you’re around them

Cocktail hour has started, and you feel like you’d rather be anywhere else than sit around and listen to them bitch about the same self-inflicted problems you’ve cyclically provided support and solutions for. Then you start to feel guilty for even thinking like this or you simply no longer care yet, you go out with them anyway to be polite. Of course, I think the friendships that are worth saving will eventually rise to a higher frequency, but quite often, deep down you’ll know in your heart when you no longer want someone around your aura. The best thing to do in this situation is to have an honest internal self-evaluation and accept that you’ve outgrown the friendship. Keep it amicable and let it quietly run its course or have a chat with the person in question if you’re so inclined, however, don’t part on an ugly note. Always try to depart on the heart chakra by releasing them in peace, love and gratitude.

You feel like they don’t understand you

Sometimes you feel like you can share most of the trivial issues with your friends and vice versa yet, you feel like you go above and beyond to help find a solution, but it’s not always reciprocated. In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you realise that even though they seem to be listening, they don’t really understand what you need from them. Try to be as transparent as possible and honest with your expectations of them. If things don’t improve, then it’s probably time to let go and become more self-sufficient.

They’re not as dependable as you are to them

Perhaps the people in your friendship group do not need to check in every day, which is how you prefer it. Although, you’re in a pickle and decide to reach out to them only to find that there’s one or two who often drag their feet or better yet choose to ignore your cry for help. In this case, you can choose to be petty and bat the same bullshit ball back and forth, but quite honestly, this will lower your vibration and waste your time. If you’ve already spoken to the culprit and expressed your concerns about this issue then maybe it’s time to realise that they’re nothing but an anchor in your life. Chances are they choose to not reciprocate support because they have their own issues or they just love to see you suffer. Although, I see this as part of being their own issue too. Either way, we’re too deep into the awakening and self-development to stop and save others.

They’re unpredictable, and engage in dangerous behaviours

Sure, we love to have a good time with our friends, but we have to wonder when is it time to call it a day before we go too far? The friends who don’t respect your boundaries because they have none of their own, are the type of people you should be cautious of. Especially if they’re coercing you to partake in activities that you refuse to be a part of. Think wisely of the company you keep.

You feel emotionally, spiritually and physically drained being around them

This one will probably hit you the hardest as it’s an indicator that this person definitely shouldn’t be in your life. With this situation, the person always seems to have a problem with their relationships, finance or their health yet, they refuse the idea of acknowledgement and choose to deflect their issues onto you. In return, you feel like you’re their support pillar while your energy slowly chips away as they feed off your wellbeing. This matter is hazardous to you if you live or operate near them daily, which makes it difficult to detach. Understandably, the friendship may not have started this way, or you chose to overlook the subtle signs because your heart was open and receptive to their companionship, and this got worse as time went by. Whatever the case is, it’s essential to protect yourself by detaching and by wearing protective jewellery such as crystal pendants to block out their negative energy.

Growing out of friendships can be difficult, but what is extraordinary is our ability to learn the lessons from these bonds and understand ourselves better along the way.

All the best.

Thoughts on food: The importance of cooking with purpose

When I think about cooking, I immediately think of my mother. For those who know me, know that my mother is the essence of my very being. Her meals are charged with high frequencies that pull me out of the deepest funk. Today, I will journal about the typical Seychellois dish that brings the family together. Even when we are far apart, this dish never fails to bring us joy. 

When I think about my family and Seychelles, I think about the Fresh Grilled Red Snapper with Spicy Creole Sauce, Fresh Rice and Green Pawpaw Satini Papay. The colours glazed on the dining table, evoking a feeling of security, love, joy and compassion. As I enjoy eating the meal, I have to include that watching (because sometimes it’s better to let the professionals get on with it) or helping my mother cook her exceptional dishes is also a magical experience. She chops her ingredients as though they were just picked from the garden, washes the fish with care and infuses positive intentions as she folds the seasoning in the Satini. This is an alchemy that my elder brother also uses and never fails to impress and envelope the devourers who usually ask for a second serving. And you know the food is really delicious when we sit in silence or get stuck in with our (clean) fingers. This is one way we show love for one another and the community. There’s plenty to extend a bowl of nourishment for our extended family. 

For the sweet-toothed, the traditional Ladob is usually a favourite after a Sunday lunch. The plantain and sweet potato, coconut milk, sugar and nutmeg is the foundation that brings warmth and a smile on my face reminiscent of the holiday cheer that compels me to top up my plate until bedtime. However, it’s not the type of dishes that make or break meal times, it’s the person’s energy that fulfils the purpose they want to convey. I find that it’s imperative to churn and actively add positive intention within every meal I cook as I want nothing but the best for my family and guests. 

I dedicate Today’s post to my mother, my big brother and my Seychellois ancestors.

Until next time. xo